it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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