I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just found puke in my bra..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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