So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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