he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
