He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
