I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
