I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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