I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
