we have officially lost it.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
