Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
