You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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