nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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