Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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