so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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