mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
