Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
