when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I want to fling myself into the sun
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
