don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
