I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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