giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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