We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
