If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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