your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you will always have a special place in my vag
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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