There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
