he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
