I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
