My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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