You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
