i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He better not be in your backpack
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
