Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
