for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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