I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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