Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
