help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
