I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
