Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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