she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
