So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
