I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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