This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my shit smells like andre
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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