I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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