so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
