I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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