i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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