We're facebook friends in real life
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
