Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
