When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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