Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
