I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
