I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
