I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
