I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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