can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
