Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
