Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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